Let Teens be Teenagers – The Ten Commandments for Parents

My Fashionista, Book Worm, Daddy's Girl & iPod Geek Teens

Photo by Janis Brett Elspas, MommyBlogExpert.com

You’ve all heard the expression, “You can’t fight City Hall.”  Based on my own adventures with 4 teens (TRIPLETS, plus one more all born within a year), I've grown to realize that you can’t fight the teenage years either.

Instead, use this tenacious time in any parent’s life to inspire yourself and your adolescent to each master your own individual roles in this saga.  After all, with a wink on the eye, you’ll soon be an empty nester hopefully looking back on all the opportunities you seized on behalf of raising your family well.

Wondering how to survive?  Just try following some of these ideas and you might change your attitude toward your teen.

Daddy & Our Two Daughters, Summer Vacation 2010

Photo by Janis Brett Elspas, MommyBlogExpert.com

Your Teen's 10 Commandments for Mom and Dad

1- Thou shalt NOT argue with your teen.  It’s never really productive is it?  Listen more to your teen’s perspective and talk (or yell) less – you don’t always have to respond, just hearing them out is all that's needed.

2 - Thou shalt NOT write your kid’s papers or do their other schoolwork for them.  Rather, be there on-call as their brainstorming partner and editor.  Do this because we all know the sense of pride that comes with saying “I did it by myself.”

3 - Thou shalt NOT steal your teen’s sleep or when they take flight to retreat when they need to.  It’s a scientific fact that teens need a lot more rest, both in deep sleep mode and in just kicking back and relaxing to de-stress themselves, than many grown adults.  There’s no harm but only good in letting your teenager sleep late whenever it’s feasible and also just indulging him by allowing him to spend time alone holed up in his cave room at home whenever he needs to.

4 - Thou shalt NOT pry and be overly curious about everything your teen talks about with his/her friends or does with them.  They have every right to the same privacy that you do, don't you think?  As long as you’ve done your job and instilled good morals and character traits to live by in your child, you likely will have a limited amount of worrying in this department.

My Two Sons and I, November 2010

Photo by Janis Brett Elspas, MommyBlogExpert.com

5 - Thou shalt NOT let the refrigerator, freezer, and panty ever get bare.  You know how grouchy you get when you are either hungry or thirsty with no relief in sight so it’s easy to see where they’re coming from on this.  Besides, your teen’s body and mind needs to eat and drink more than they ever will right now.  Your job as a parent is to keep the foods and drinks at home well-stocked being sure to have a lot of their favorites on hand, hopefully leaning toward a plentiful supply of healthy choices to them to munch out on.

6 - Thou shalt NOT disappear from being there for your son or daughter.  They may make you feel invisible a lot during this developmental stage in your kid’s life, but that doesn’t mean that your teen won’t benefit merely from your presence – albeit standing in the background off stage – waiting to be called in to help if you’re needed.

7 - Thou shalt NOT be over controlling when it comes to your teen’s acquisition of responsibility.  Sometimes the best way for a kid to learn is simply allow them to stumble and make mistakes without you always being there to catch them.  Handled this way, you increase the chances that your teen will grow into a much stronger and agile adult if they are allowed to workout and build their own muscles for dealing with life's ups and downs.

8 - Thou shalt NOT change the rules mid-game.  Once you've established guidelines for your teen in what you expect from him/her in the way of academic performance, physical fitness, chores, and any other areas (religious, musical/artistic, etc), don't backtrack.  Rules are rules and consistency in enforcing them will pay huge dividends to your sanity now and to your child as he/she moves into young adulthood.

9 - Thou shalt NOT serve as an uninspiring role model.  In other words, don't practice a double-standard between the way you behave and the behavior you expect from your teen.  "Do as I say and not as I do," is not lively to work here.  If you want you want your kid to act a certain way the most non-confrontive approach is to model for your teen by living the same sort of life that you desire your son or daughter to live.

10 - Thou shalt NOT stop learning from your teen.  Yes, that's right.  Your teen has a thing or two to teach you, too, about enjoying life more, living in the moment, and really having fun with just about anything that life throws your way.

So parents, what's stopping you?  Go for it.  Make a difference if both your life and your kid's starting right now.  You'll both be a lot better for it in the present and into the future.

Please Comment

Now it's your turn.  What other commandments could you add to this list for helping us parents to better understand and support our teens? Leave a comment and share.  I look forward to a lively conversation here on this hot topic.

Me with My Two Daughers and Oldest Son

Coors Brewery Tour, Boulder, CO - Summer 2010

FTC Disclosure:  MommyBlogExpert did not receive any payment or other compensation associated with this particular post.   See complete FTC Disclosure information that appears at the bottom of MommyBlogExpert's main page and at the bottom of every individual post on this blog, including this one.

10 Tips for Stylish Layering Techniques for All Occasions - Ideas From My Teens

My Daughters Mugging for the Camera at an Event at The Grove in L.A. 

Photo by Janis Brett Elspas, MommyBlogExpert.com

My 13 year-old girls have taught me so much about style especially about layering clothes, which really is an art that is either innate or can be learned.  I'm always amazed at the wonderful ensembles these two very different daughters (who are triplets) come up with -- whether they are going to a friend's house, an event, or a formal affair.  

The Elspas Girls at Laura Ingalls Farm in SD

Photo by Janis Brett Elspas, MommyBlogExpert.com

Come to think of it, they even layer fashionably when we are going skiing in the Sierra Mountains of California, visiting a farm on one of our family road trips, or heading to the beach.

Here's 10 Things I've learned about layering from this trendy duo

• Think creatively and never be close-minded about what types of clothing combinations you can layer together.  For example, the younger of my two girls thinks nothing of mixing a denim jacket with an elegant silk scarf accented with some contemporary costume jewelry. I so admire that she instinctively knows how to make it all work together.

• Be adventurous with fabrics, textures, prints, solids, and color.  I love the way my older daughter pulls this one off, mixing up plaids, stripes and sometimes a summer skirt with a winter sweater.  

My Younger Girl, the Queen of Accessorizing

Photo by Janis Brett Elspas, MommyBlogExpert.com

• Accessorize with fun, inexpensive jewelry, hair ornaments, bags, belts and shoes.  Why stop with a lovely layered outfit? Dress it up and make it playful.

• Experiment with different looks that either include layered outfits that are monochromatic, several complementary colors, or if you're really adventurous include a riot of different bright or muted colors.

• Beg and borrow from each other, your mom, and friends to find the perfect t-shirt, tank top, blouse or sweater to go with that multi-colored embroidered jeans skirt in your closet.  It's amazing what new things you can find that look great without going shopping, but looking in other people's closets instead.

• Change up not only what you layer but how you layer the various pieces in an outfit.  For example, wear a twisted shrug instead of wearing it the regular way.  Another great idea is taking the long wool scarves that are so cozy and either twisting them rope style or just tying some strategically placed knots in the scarf before you drape it over your shoulders.

• Coordinate your favorite layered outfit with your sister's or a friend's, either by using the same color scheme or by both wearing the same layered elements such as a tank, tee, and sweater over sleek jeans. You can have a lot of fun with this one not only planning it but trying each other's layered styles.

• Organize all your layering elements in your closet and dresser.  There are several ways to tackle this. You can either hang all like colors of various wardrobe pieces together in your closet so you can easily see what you have.  Or, you might want to fold and stack all like items in your dresser, such as stacking all the different t-tops in one pile, all tanks in another, and all sweaters in yet another stack.  This way everything you have is easy to find when you need it, so you can spend more time putting your outfit together and less time looking for lost articles of clothing.

• Take the time to keep all your layering elements in tip top shape by washing or dry cleaning them as directed. Also be sure to repair tears, missing buttons and anything else that might need fixing before pieces are cleaned so that they are ready to wear when they get back to your closet.

• Edit your stock of layering pieces at the end of every season, donating to charity things that you either no longer like or that don't fit anymore.  You definitely don't want unused items of clothing taking up valuable storage real estate that could be better used for organizing the pieces that you love and wear often.

I'm so grateful that I have two fashion-forward daughters.  I know I've still got a lot to learn from them, but I am a very eager student. 

What has your kids taught you about style? Leave a comment at the bottom of this post and share it.

FTC Disclosure:  I wrote this blog post while participating in the TwitterMoms and Cuddl Duds blogging program, making me eligible to get a $40 gift card. For more information on how you can participate, click here.

Holiday Travel With Kids - Tips to Navigate the Question Are We There Yet?

by Guest Blog Columnist

Jeff Siegel, Author of RelationTrips

All the photos in this post were taken by Janis Brett Elspas, creator of MommyBlogExpert, on her own family's latest road trip adventure in Summer 2010.

Editor's Note: Jeff Siegel is author of RelationTrips to be released in early 2010 which offers his advice on how to transform family  journeys from “Are we there yet?” to “Let’s go!”

In RelationTrips, Siegel teaches families to turn a common road trip into a creative and spontaneous journey that builds lasting bonds.  RelationTrip, as defined by the author, is an ongoing series of family trips, personalized and planned together by adults and kids around a common theme or interest.


  

Mt. Rushmore, South Dakota, 2010

MommyBlogExpert's Daughter & Hubbie

Photo by Janis Brett Elspas, MommyBlogExpert

Traveling over the river and through the woods this holiday season offers a great opportunity for families to engage, connect and create a lifetime of shared memories during their time on the road.

1.  Name your Holiday trip.  Before you embark, sit down as a family and personalize your trip by giving it a name. Weave in something relating to the holiday for which you are traveling, such as “Turkey in Detroit.” Or consider including the family name, such as “The Douglas Family’s December to Remember!”

2. See the journey with new eyes. No matter how many times your family, may have traveled the route, take the opportunity to discover hidden gems along the way.  Pick out two or three new places to stop while in transit, such as a landmark that you have never visited or a roadside restaurant that you’ve always wanted to try.

Ice Cave, New Mexico, 2010

MommyBlogExpert's Girls Panning for Gold

Photo by Janis Brett Elspas, MommyBlogExpert

3. Get creative with games. Help pass time while in the car by making up games to play. Give them a Holiday feel – such as Guess My Favorite Present, Name That Christmas Tune, The Chanukah Memory Game and Quote that Holiday Movie.

4. Be your own DJ. Challenge each family member to put together a play list of their top ten Holiday tunes. Have each member of the family take turns doing their own countdown.

5. Design a scavenger hunt. Determine your rest stops ahead of time and pick out items to find at each one. Create a checklist of items to spot while you’re on the road and have each member of the family keep track along the way. Bring along a prize for the person who finds the most items and award it when you reach your final destination.

National Route 66 Museum, Oklahoma, 2010

MommyBlogExpert's Kids

Photo by Janis Brett Elspas, MommyBlogExpert

6. Have fun with Holiday food. While you are on the road, take a detour to a farm or market to gather ingredients for the meal. Once you arrive, plan a food-themed activity such as visiting a turkey farm to “Pardon A Bird” or a local orchard for a sleigh ride and hot apple cider.

About Jeff Siegel

In 2000, fun-loving, single-father Jeff Siegel embarked on a spur-of-the-moment vacation with his son Spence that took them across the southwestern tier of National Basketball Association arenas.  Shortly thereafter, Siegel formulated a grandiose plan:  he and Spence would visit every NBA arena and Major League Baseball park in the United States. 

What started as a series of hilarious road games and unexpected tours turned into a journey that would change everything for the Siegel and his son.  Through their quest, Jeff and Spence have re-imagined the classic road trip and invented a new model for a family vacation – the RelationTrip.

In the coming months, Siegel will share his sage advice in an inspiring and engaging new book RelationTrips: A Simple, Powerful Way to Bond with Your Loved Ones Through Personalized Road Trips.  In RelationTrips, Siegel provides a practical road map for building enduring family connections and creating trips filled with adventure, imagination, discovery and fun.  For more information see MyRelationTrips.com

Please leave a comment: Where will you be taking the kids for the holidays and how will you keep everyone engaged along the way?

FTC Disclosure:  MommyBlogExpert will be receiving a copy of the book RelationTrips for an upcoming book review on this blog.  I did not receive any payment or other compensation associated with this particular post.   See complete FTC Disclosure information that appears at the bottom of MommyBlogExpert's main page and at the bottom of every individual post on this blog, including this one.